4.11.2016

I just couldn't do it without you.

Pregnancy is hard. 
I know every pregnancy has its challenge, and ever woman experiences pregnancy differently. I'm certainly not here to point out why my pregnancy has been difficult.
Don't get me wrong. 
It has been worth it, and I know even more than I can comprehend, it will be even more worth it.

But it has been hard. 
Every.Single.Day.

It's hard to be sick from morning until night, every day for 22 weeks
It's hard to wake up before the sun for work, when I can't find the energy to even get out of bed
It's hard to be okay with gaining weight
It's hard to accept that my body isn't just my own right now
It's hard to know my decisions about my body affect the baby girl inside me
It's hard to make the right decisions about eating and exercising
It's hard not to be overcome with guilt when I don't eat healthy and exercise
It's hard to physically exert myself at work every day
It's hard to be so tired that my body physically aches
It's hard to have a head that is pounding so hard that I can't even open my eyes
It's hard to wake up every hour all night, be because my back hurts, my bladder hurts, or my heart hurts
It's hard to lose control of your emotions
It's hard to cry and cry due to stress and the overwhelming feeling that this tiny life is so dependent on me
It's hard to be so overwhelmed with anxiety about motherhood
It's hard to make so many decisions about things I am so completely clueless about
It's hard knowing that it's going to continue to get harder, every day, for the rest of my life

The list is honestly never ending.
I have never been so full of joy, yet so full of anxiety and pure terror in my entire life.
I am so scared to be a mother.
I have never shed so many tears late at night.
But at the same time, I have never wanted time to go faster. 
I have never been more excited for the next step.

The whirlwind of emotions is absolutely exhausting.

But I have the best companion by my side. 
He dries my tears, every Sunday night during my break down.
He rubs my sore back.
He makes the hard decisions seem easier.
He carries my bags.
He cleans the house.
He hugs me, just because.
He fills my waterbottle.
He is always there when I need him.
And he always makes the bad days better.

Pregnancy is hard. 
But it has been the absolute best thing for my marriage, and although I didn't think it was possible, I love my husband more and more, every single minute of every day.

There is no one I would rather spend forever with.







4.02.2016

I used to be such a good blogger.

I don't know how I used to find the time to write blog posts a few times a week. How did I ever keep caught up on my tv shows? Are there more tv shows now? There must be.

But here I am and I'm 26 weeks pregnant. What?!

People kept telling me that things would get better by 12 weeks. And then they told me it would be better by 16 weeks.. 18 weeks..

All of these milestones came and went and I was still hunched over the toilet losing the contents of my stomach numerous times a day. And then what felt like the contents of my soul. Honestly, I didn't think you could throw up so much on an empty stomach. But you can. There is always more stomach acid. Anyway. TMI? Sorry. 

Here is my little bump at 15 weeks. I thought it was so big. 
I am also humiliated at my hideous photos. I made a mental note to take some cuter bump photos eventually but just so its saved somewhere, here is 15 weeks.


At 17 weeks, we found out that our tiny little peanut baby was a girl! My first thoughts were something along the lines of.. "Now I can't use all my Owen's most adorable clothes...." (Owen is the best dressed toddler that ever walked the planet. Also my nephew.) but those thoughts were quickly followed by.."all the bows!" I can genuinely say I would have been happy with a boy or a girl! But finding out just made it so much more real. It was such a special day for us to find out! And I can hardly wait to meet her.

Here is a photo from our ultrasound. 
It's just a picture of a picture so excuse the poor quality. :)

She is a little acrobat in there! Her knees were up to her face for the majority of the appointment. We also got to see her little toes tapping and her swallow some amniotic fluid. It was so amazing to see a real little human being just hanging out in my tummy. So special.


Here is what she looked like from the outside at 17 weeks. I liked this dress because it showed off my bump. Now this dress no longer fits. Sad day.

(you can just ignore my messy bed.. dirty mirror.. and cute little pink surprise bags.. :) 
I really need to work on my bump photos...I shouldn't even be posting these.)

By February, I finally reached a point where I wasn't throwing up every single day. I was still on the full dose of Diclectin, but would only throw up every few days. 

*Note: For the last two weeks I haven't had any diclectin and I have only thrown up maybe once or twice a week. Hallelujah! I can do this.


 18 weeks.
(Mirror still dirty. Bed not quite as messy. I must be feeling slightly better by this point.)




Here is a 22 week bump picture!

By 22 weeks I was feeling good enough to eat regular meals and could keep most of it down, and I really popped! 

 And here we are at 25 weeks!
Last weekend, Cody and I made a quick trip to Utah to visit Owen. His parents were there too.
Just kidding. I love visiting my sister and her husband and it just all too sad that they live so far away.

My sissy and me.

I love his face so much.

It took him a little while to catch up on the whole "easter egg hunt" thing. He just wanted to open all the eggs. And every single time he did, he was SO excited to see a cracker or a cookie or if he was REALLY lucky, some raisins inside. 
If my parents did that to me I would have been seriously unimpressed. But props to my sister for being such a good mama! You are definitely doing something right because this kid is perfect.


So I'm actually at 26 weeks as of today! I had a doctors appointment yesterday and our little peanut is measuring just a touch small for 26 weeks. Current fundal height is about 23cm soooo she's getting there but just itty bitty I guess. But growing and kicking and turning all the time. I just love her.

Second Trimester Preggo Symptoms:
1. Heartburn. I mentioned on my last post how I wanted all the salt and vinegar. I still want all the vinegar. But now I have had to stop having vinegar because my back and chest just immediately burn. Saddest thing.
2. My back hurts. The very far upper left under my shoulder blade. Weird. Also. My sister Jennica said she had the exact same thing in the same spot. Also weird.
3. I pee so much. It doesn't matter if I drink lots or little, I can't last longer than 2 hours, day or night. That 12 hour drive home from Utah was insane. I had to pee like 9 times in 12 hours. My poor husband.
4. Bad sleep. I have taken for granted my entire life how easy it is for me to get a good sleep. It's probably a combination of my sore back and my need to use the bathroom every two hours combined, but it's sad. I just want to sleep through the whole night. I guess that's not going to happen for years now.. 

Pregnancy is HARD.  I have never cried, thrown up, and peed so much in my life. But it is so exciting. I love feeling her kick and hearing her heartbeat and it's just going so fast! 

Cody has been the best. He is so supportive and rubs my back and takes out the garbage and gets rid of anything that I think smells bad and lets me cry for no reason. Which happens a lot more than I like to admit. Haaa. 

I just realized I haven't even posted any photos of Cody so here are two pictures from Valentine's Day because how cute is he?